To feel or not to feel.. What to feel, and what not to feel..

It’s not to compete.. But to complete..

The journey looks really long at this distance, but maybe I’m looking at the wrong thing..

It just stings at times..

But I’d really like to know what to do about what I feel..

Delve fully into it.. Or, shove it under the rug..

At this point, all I can and know to do..

Is to hand it to You.. Deal with me as You wish dear Lord..

You are..

Build me an altar in this place.. I’ll send My rain..

Build me an altar with your hearts.. I'll send the fire..

-Jonathan Stockstill

Should be a short one.. :) we'll see..

Was out with Belle last week.. so we went to this place in Jaya One.. food wasn't bad.. I ordered a chicken chop and a Goo Leng Ping Soda.. And she had the rice with chicken chop, and i can't rber what drink she had.. haha..

Anyhow.. when our drinks came, i tried mine, and i didn't taste the soda in the goo leng ping.. so, i got a guy to come, and here goes..

Me: Hi, sorry, excuse me.. I ordered a Goo Leng Ping soda and this doesn't have soda in there..
Dude: Err.. Sori, saya cakap Bahasa Melayu, boleh cakap Bahasa Melayu tak?
Me: ohh.. okay.. Saya order Goo Leng Ping soda, this one don't have soda..
Dude: ohhh.. okay.. I check..

.....

After he left.. i couldn't for the life of me stop laughing for a bit..

>.<

Go figure..

As u get along in life, different seasons come along, different phases of life we go through.. Each one different.. with different demands.. U grow up, u make decisions that bring u into ur next phase..

And as u enter each phase, u learn the ropes, sometimes it's a struggle, sometimes, it comes just real easy.. but u adjust, u learn, u adapt.. and how u do all that, shapes the course of this next phase of ur life..

Learning the ropes is not easy.. Hasn't been easy.. Coping was basically all I could do, decisions were even harder to make, not knowing how to form priorities at this stage in life.. some things slipped, some things which i deemed important for survival or success took main stage..

I did good in some, and not so good in some, and sometimes, just downright failures.. And as time goes by, I learnt.. how to look at things in the bigger picture, how to step back, how to push, how to cope.. And in learning, figure out my priorities in life.. Different things have taken different rungs in the ladder.. Re-arrangement..

It may not be perfect, and I'm quite sure it isn't, but as far as I can see or think through.. It's the best I can do now.. I do not wish for a brighter star to be on.. I am far from perfect, and I will make wrong decisions and mess up.. But, a certain assurance is the ground on which I walk on.. I learn.. I learn all the time.. I never wanna stop..

I can't change the things that have happened, but I can shape what tomorrow brings.. I am content to be where I am.. I know this is where I'm supposed to be at this moment in my life.. I have peace..

Thank u God..

There is a light that shines within me
There is a hope that burns inside me
Deep within my soul, my very existence
There is a being waiting to be freed

A child who knows no fear, pain, or rejection
There is an emotion all encompassing
Of excitement, joyfulness, gladness, and love

The creative potential of laughter
And the undeniable power of an infant's joy lives inside me
Unmeasurable are my limits for I call you Father
Unimaginable my potential for You have called me son

There is someone inside of me waiting to be unleashed
Whom You embraced
Whom I long to be

There is an all-consuming fire
A light that permeates from my very being
You have unlocked me God
The doors You opened no man can shut

I will praise You for all my days for You are good
You have released me God with Your love
You are everything

Ian McIntosh - Adoration

"Unmeasurable are my limits for I call you Father.. Unimaginable my potential for You have called me son.."
This resonates deep inside of me.. it jives.. it's crazy.. but it makes sense.. and it's so true..

It's was a good ending to a day.. and sitting here reflecting on it for just a little, it balanced out real well..

Well.. work today was a little stressed out for me.. things weren't going as they should.. i probably almost popped a blood vessel.. thank God for Jenn.. like seriously, if it weren't for her, i would've gone bonkers.. It was probably one of those days where I took another peek at the mountain and it made my heart stop.. craziness.. I probably should've just not stared at it.. It was just a crazy time I had.. Sighh.. I had to put a lid on it, if not, it probably might've just boiled over for a bit..

But God's good.. He probably knew today would be tough and well.. I was blessed today as well.. I went out for breakfast with one of my colleagues, and the person offered to buy me breakfast, so, i got my breakfast free.. Met up with a friend for lunch, and my friend bought me lunch as well.. haha.. And when I met up with another friend for dinner, she got me dinner too.. The first dollar I forked out on my own was my parking ticket which was, a buck.. and that's how much I spent today..

After I had dinner.. I met another friend who happened to be there too, and we got to spend some time talking and such, and well, just chilling.. which I probably needed more than i knew i did..

God is great ya know.. and He provides everything in good time.. I gotta say that I've been blessed.. the tight feeling in my tummy does still persists for a little, but, i'm moving my focus over to God.. He loves me and I know that..

Sighh.. I need to go sit in His arms for a bit.. I need my Daddy..

Hey hey!! (LOL!! that so reminds me of yesterday's worship.. tried Deluge's Make It Loud for the 1st time *grins* don't asked me how it turned out, ya need to ask those who were part of the congregation..)

So, the interns have graduated from 220i.. sad that it's over, but, it's a new beginning, this is where i think the rubber meets the road.. when u leave good ol' BR.. the security of having someone that "got ur back".. leaders, etc.. My love and congrats to all 220i '08/09 intern grads.. I love y'all and miss y'all tons!!

I got to watch some of the graduation that night, well, it was day for me.. thank God for internet connection that was liveable with that day.. i saw bits and pieces of it.. the screen froze every minute or so.. but, I am glad I got to see my favourite ppl get their cert thingy from Pastor Joel.. I almost cried.. It was good.. seeing Barb, Melli, Kayla, my baka junkie bunkie, Perla, Krystal, Jason, Steve-o, Jake Moline, VDC, Jessica and all graduate..

Just got home, having an hour plus worth of break time in between services.. yawnn.. maybe I should catch an hour's nap.. or, less than that.. but a nap nonetheless..

Saw the new litter of puppies from Rachel's dog *grins* so cute.. my favourite was the black one.. it had a little patch of white fur like on the inside of the neck.. they were all, well, half blind.. haha.. i think their eyes just started to open..



Anyhow, shall end right here for now.. gotta go catch meself a shuttle to lala-land..

See y'all again, real soon.. haha.. hopefully..
Much love.. :)
Me..

Open my eyes,Lord
I want to see Jesus.
To reach out and touch Him
To show Him I love Him

Open my ears,Lord
And help me to listen
Open my eyes, Lord
I want to see Jesus

~Robert Cull

More than anything, I need Ur help.. Wisdom, alertness, discernment, strength.. Be with me dear Lord..

There's so much more i don't know.. So much more to learn, to find out.. yet, it's supposed to be, simple enough.. Sometimes I wish I was wiser, and at times, I wish I could be blissfully ignorant.. haha.. But that's not to be the case..

So, in this process of acquiring more understanding, the more I find myself lacking.. and, at points, I wonder if it's all necessary.. Is the work and pain of learning, of understanding worth the understanding?

At this point, I feel like I need to know so much more.. so inadequately equipped I feel.. But, devouring as much as I can while I still can.. In the hopes of bringing, leading others to fulfill God's calling in their lives.. to love God more.. to know God more..

Not that I have already attained all these.. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.. Philippians 3:12

Hey hey!!

Influence Conference '09 is up next month.. it is my moral responsibility to therefore market this conference here.. lol!! just kidding..

But, seriously.. for those of y'all who are like in ur last year, or last 2 years of college.. or.. well, u could be any age i guess, if u're working and all.. this conference is for y'all young adults who want to be INFLUENCERS in the place where u've been placed it.. This year's theme is Challenging Times.. and well, there's gonna be quite a few sessions going on in these two days that will challenge u to be an Influence during these times..

For more information.. check out the blog..
Influence Conference Blog

Or, hey.. call me or email me.. or something.. haha.. this is something that I believe u will be blessed by..

Date: July 24-25, 2009
Day: Friday evening and Saturday whole day..
Venue: GTPJ

And here's the promo video for this year's conference!! :)

For the first time in a very long time, I finally made it to the Pasar Malam (Night Market).. 2 feelings presented themselves to me.. why I liked going to the Pasar Malams, and why I didn't like Pasar Malams.. love the variety of things they have there.. food, fruit, stuff, accesorries, clothes, drinks, pirated kids education materials (lol!!), etc.. hate the heat, the smelliness, and the puddles on the ground >.<

I would've much rather preferred to have gone home and slept after dinner, but, something caught my attention, and i really wanted to go get some.. lol!! yes, impulsive i am.. some dude was going round the tables at dinner and selling lychees.. i was like, oooh! I want some.. they were big and red.. they looked good *grins* and well, my dad said we'll hit the night market after dinner and look for some.. I think i have the world's best dad ;) well, most of the time.. haha..

We did get lychees.. and yes they are sweet :) I couldn't eat more than 5 though.. saving them for tomorrow maybe..

But that isn't why I decided to blog instead of hitting the sack.. sighh..

I saw a lady begging by the side of a stall.. and I guess that's a usual sight.. maybe it's because I haven't been out there for awhile.. maybe my heart's less indifferent.. i don't really know.. but when i saw her, it stopped me in my tracks.. she had little legs.. probably even smaller than her arms.. and i didn't have money.. she was moving away on her arms.. i wanted to go to my dad to get some money, or maybe some food for her.. i didn't know.. i didn't know what to do.. knowing that if i gave her cash, it'd go to someone else, and i didn't know what i should do.. walking off with that question in my head.. saw another dude on the floor as well.. wanted to go back to look for the other lady.. but we'd to go.. and all the way back in the car, i kept wondering what i could've done.. and as i reached home.. i thought about Peter and John and what they did for the lame man.. I could've, i should've.. it didn't cross my mind to.. it was not my 1st response.. my 1st was philantrophy.. and i don't know at this point of time.. i've gotta think..

So much more out there.. how do I be Jesus to them.. so much to do.. and all I do is sit here, watching movies on my laptop, planning stuff, tiring myself out, looking for food.. gah.. it bothers me.. i can't.. my heart doesn't allow me to anymore.. i need help.. i need to think.. i need to pray..