For the first time in a long while.. i finally got my 12-hour nap *grins* it's been long overdue for sure.. but, u know.. i welcome it anyway.. and because it's been long overdue.. i am looking out for opportunities to make it happen hopefully soon.. haha.. am still tired.. but, that good long sleep sure helped some..

It's been a crazy long week, or.. weeks.. Church Camp just ended yday.. we were at Lumut.. and though it was a nice place.. it sure was hot.. and the flies were abundant.. enjoyed it somewhat minus the exhausting-ness of it.. haha..

Morning devotions by the beach at 7am were refreshing in a way.. haha, i was tired.. but being able to be by the sea, hearing the waves crash onto the beach.. listening to my playlist or worship songs.. talking to God and reading the Word.. it was good.. i appreciated that a ton..

I got a little bit of a tan.. being out in the sun and in the sea on wednesday afternoon.. i loved being in the water.. i absolutely just love it.. kayak-ed with annabelle till we were too tired to kayak back.. haha.. just drifting out there was sweet.. we chilled off in the pool much later after rachel finished "crab-watching" with ben jin.. till i was asked whether i was playing that nite.. and i shot out of the pool back to my room.. haha.. i had 6 minutes to get to the main hall.. which i of course failed.. but, it wasn't too bad.. :) just that i could hardly play with my arms aching after kayak-ing..

Sr Pastor's message on the opening night re-assured me that we were heading in the right direction.. what he spoke about was a brief of what we've been wanting to teach in the month of May.. and for me, that was an affirmation that we are heading in the same direction as a church.. and i was glad, and thank God that the Holy Spirit leads us.. each differently, but to the same purpose..

The youth worship led on Tuesday night and it was pretty sweet amidst some crazy pre-service moments.. but, we had our focus on one thing, and that was to worship God.. with all our hearts, we just wanted to praise Him and give Him the glory He deserves.. for me.. watching the adults lifting their hands in worship, seeing them move in praise to our living God, some jumping even.. it made my heart sing.. when the ppl of God gather to worship Him, to praise Him, He is in our midst.. i believe that that night, young or old.. it didn't really matter what songs we sang, but when we worship from our hearts, that is that which makes the world of a difference..

And I guess this is where I'll end for now.. I've enjoyed His presence and His Word.. His confirmation.. one step at a time.. but always having His purpose in mind.. we are growing.. we are moving.. Christ in us.. no longer I that lives.. no longer..

Sometimes the cold is inevitable..
No longer do I know where the wind blows..
Lick my finger and stick it out to test it..
Maybe all I need is just another blanket..

Got home on Friday night after prayer meet and mom told me i'd mail.. one was just my insurance company, which i didn't bother with.. the other was from Baton Rouge.. so i got excited of course.. haha..

I opened it and it was just a piece of paper.. i unfolded it n i saw my own writing.. so i was like, oh, this was probably something i wrote while i was there.. and i was a little bummed.. but of course.. cos, i thought someone sent me something..

But as i read through the letter.. i realised that it was a letter i wrote to God in the 1st month i was at Baton Rouge.. the office must've sent it back.. I read and i was like, God did answer my prayer ya know.. things i know that could not have been done on my own.. no way.. i'm just like, wow..

Lately it's been like, my prayers have been bouncing off the celing, and hitting me right back in the face.. I don't "feel" much.. but then again, this whole thing, though feelings are important, they don't determine if there's anything going on or not.. the letter i got back reminded me of that.. i sure didn't feel nothing going on, in fact, more than anything, it was frustration that was like the main "feeling" i got throughout my time there.. but, something did happen.. how, when? I don't know.. I sure can't tell u.. but i guess it's like what it says in the Word.. U plant, but the watering, God does, He makes the plant grow.. nothing u urself can do..

It's been a crazy ride.. but, i believe every moment of it is well worth it.. it has been worth it.. and it will be worth it.. nothing else matters as much as this..

Thank You..

It's funny how things turn out sometimes..

In these 11 days.. I would have spoken in front of ppl 3 times.. it's pretty bizarre when i think back on it.. of course now, i'm just taking it in stride.. and letting each one come at its own time.. but looking at it now.. it is kinda crazy..

The me i know would never have been able to.. and to have pulled it off like how it happened, would never have been possible.. I spoke on the Cross last Saturday.. and about the empowerment of the Holy Spirit this last Saturday.. so far, no one has told me it was bad.. and i'm like, oh God.. this can only be u.. not me..

Like I told my youth, if this was just me speaking, then, it would be of no point and they should all go home and maybe watch some tv, cos that would be the better thing.. but i know for a fact that this wasn't me.. I, Tab, the Tab i know would not have been able to..

I thank God for these opportunities.. and no, i haven't rehearse any of this speaking stuff.. even when i was in the States, i never preached.. at most, i taught my girls at club, but that was about it.. no more than 20 ppl at a go.. that's why, this is pretty crazy for me.. and that's also how i know for sure that it really ain't me..

God works through the most normal and insignificant ppl.. and i am a living testimony of that.. me, a nobody, shy, weird, nerd, tomboy, glasses, quiet, shrivel in front of a crowd of 10, tab.. that was me.. it's been one heck of a ride, but i'm still on for more.. my heart is ever grateful to God for using me.. i've always asked Him to.. but i never felt qualified, never felt good enough.. and therefore i guess i thought He'd never wanna, or would be able to, use me..

Little things, bit by bit.. through availing of ur life to Him.. see Him make u soar above urself.. the things u thought u could do pale in comparison with what He wants to do through u.. it's crazy.. and though it's not been easy, the journey is an awesome one.. i'm still amazed.. because i never thought.. not me..

It's Christ in me..

No longer I..

I'm blessed..

Dang! It feels like I hardly did anything today.. I started off the day with a list of things, and i'm still left with that list at the end of today.. minus one or two items at the max.. it bugs me to no end.. gah.. i hate it that i've got double the work for mrow now because of this >.<

Plus side, i've got a desktop finally.. still without an office email.. but, u know, i've been living without it for a long enough time.. it's fine.. just glad the desktop is finally here.. except that the setting up also ate up my time for today.. yeah, i'm just bugged.. anyhow, i'd better go.. i've got class later >.< i'm just tired.. having 2 nights of classes a week is one of those insane things i signed myself up for.. sighh.. stupid egoistic me thinking I can handle it all..

Maybe i'll be able to get more done mrow.. So much to do, so little time to do it.. not hitting the panic button yet.. but, i may want to soon..

See ya!

Facing my fears.. someone wiser than urs truly said, Courage isn't the absence of fear, rather it is doing the right thing in the face of fear.. and also according to the same wiser person, confronting it again will make the fear eventually be less fearful after awhile.. so, i guess that's why i'm here..

It's been awhile.. schedules and work have me packed in like a can of sardines, and any free time i can spare, i would opt to if possible spend it curled up under my covers and in the land where pink fluffy clouds float by on a gentle breeze and cute little woolly sheep (non smelly, of course) graze nearby, as i lie on my back and watch the clouds form shapes and go by.. and no, i'm not trying to escape the real world via my dreams.. actually.. i'd much rather opt for a dreamless night than sweet dreams.. haha..

And why am i even going on and on about seemingly random stuff? *shrug* i've got no idea, maybe it's the fact that i haven't written in a long while.. so much stuff yet just haven't been able to write.. i do miss writing.. anyhow.. this is the main point of me writing today.. or tonite.. >.< this should not be long.. i need to get to bed..

I got robbed last Saturday.. right outside my house.. I'd just locked my gate and 2 motorcyclists stopped and the pillion rider dude got out a knife and came at me.. haha, never expected that to happen to me, with me usually being the cautious one and all.. he came right up to where i was, in between the gate and my dad's car.. i could not have unlocked the gate to go back in, neither could i have jumped over the gate, cos he would've done the same i'm sure.. i backed away.. and yes, i was scared.. it was a flippin' knife.. i backed off, and must've tripped over something and fell backwards onto the ground, he was coming at me, and of course the first thing to reach him were my legs, so, i must've kicked at him, cos he tumbled over my dad's car bonnet, he picked up my handbag and hopped onto the bike and off they went.. I yelled for my dad and all, and i didn't wait to find my house keys to open the gate, i just climbed and jumped back over my gate into my house, banged on the door for my dad till him and my mom opened it, and i went into my dad's arms and started to cry..

My legs felt like jelly when i got into my dad's arms, i probably could've collapsed onto the floor cept that he was holding me.. he prayed for me and all.. it was scary, like, for real.. when i "kicked" that dude, i was like, Crud! I probably shouldn't have done that, was afraid that he'd be angered and come back and slash at me.. i was ready to jump into the drain right outside my house and make a dash for it under the driveways..

I thank God for protection, cos, except for a couple of bruises for when i fell, i wasn't hurt.. i am glad i didn't get slashed at.. all i wanted was to make sure the knife did not reach me.. and therefore, it was instinct rather than bravery that inspired that "kick".. which i was glad did not backfire on me.. and my phone fell out of my bag, so, that i am glad for too, cos losing my phone would've been a humongous pain..

I did lose quite a bit of stuff.. but i'm glad i'm ok.. i'd rather not playback the memory of that morning.. but apparently it's supposed to help.. it does still scare me now if i choose to think of it.. the menacing look of that dude with his knife coming towards me.. i don't exactly rber his face.. but, it's bad enough.. enough to send chills down my spine.. hoping the fear will dissappear after awhile.. as much as i can, i won't be walking to and fro my car and my house alone.. u can bet on that..

Ah well.. things do happen.. but, there are still things to thank God for.. :)

So, i've gotta get to my work now.. so that i can turn in soon..

Nite y'all..

I miss y'all..

Thanks for the postcard and crawfish on it.. looks awesome.. haha.. can't compare to having the real deal right in front of u, but ya know.. this'll do for now..

I miss y'all crazy right now.. ur crazy postcard made me cry..

Thanks a lot ya know *grins*

In my thoughts.. in my heart.. always..



Love ya both..

Me..

*guffaws*



It just made me laugh.. oh man! Buat web jualan yang MEMBUNUH!!
Making killer web sales..

Oh boy.. and after laughing for a bit.. i no longer know how to respond.. so.. i'll end here..

1 Timothy 4:6-16 (NLT) 

If you explain these things to the brothers and sisters, Timothy, you will be a worthy servant of Christ Jesus, one who is nourished by the message of faith and the good teaching you have followed.  ⁷ Do not waste time arguing over godless ideas and old wives' tales. Instead, train yourself to be godly.  ⁸ "Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come."  ⁹ This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it.  ¹⁰ This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers.  ¹¹ Teach these things and insist that everyone learn them.  ¹² Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.  ¹³ Until I get there, focus on reading the Scriptures to the church, encouraging the believers, and teaching them.  ¹⁴ Do not neglect the spiritual gift you received through the prophecy spoken over you when the elders of the church laid their hands on you.  ¹⁵ Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress.  ¹⁶ Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you.

This whole passage generally felt like it was directed to me.. it's crazy.. never before have I ever found that everytime I flipped open the Bible, it would speak to me, it would mean much to me.. I've never before felt such a desperation for more of His Word..

My second day at work.. and this was meant just for me.. God loves me so darned much *grins*

I understand that this, Bible reading, in itself is a discipline.. which explains itself, I have to discipline myself to do it.. and yes, as much as I so long to hear from God, I also recognize the flesh side of me that tells me I've got so much to do, and not enough time to spend it reading and hearing from God.. and yes, I must admit that sometimes I don't feel like it.. but, because of what I want, what my spirit desires, I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should do (1 Cor 9:27).. and in that way, it builds me up, day by day, it changes me to become what I desire.. a person after God, after His heart..

It never fails to amaze me, even after having read the Word many a time, it's fresh, it speaks anew to me.. and it just makes me go, "Oh, wow!".. I used to go around asking God why I couldn't hear from Him, why He wasn't speaking to me, like as in audibly and stuff.. I now realize that though I have not heard Him audibly, His Word speaks ever so clearly to me..

I have all that I need in Him.. but still, more of Him do I desire.. I long, I yearn.. I know what I want my lifestyle to be like, and it's still way far off.. but, dear God, I long.. and I will press on.. it's gonna be good.. I wanna need Him ever so much more..

Lord.. here I am..

Just finished watching Slumdog Millionaire.. One of the best movies i've seen this year.. And well, I've always been more keen on shows that are played on the International Screens over here anyway..

The story set in Mumbai, India wrought my heart again.. the reality of street kids, red light districts, etc.. it makes me wanna do something.. Break my heart for the things that break Yours.. Help me to love like You've loved.. I pray that no matter what I've seen and what I've gone through, my heart will never again be de-sensitized..

Today, brought to mind the crazy prophecies I've been given.. not just because it was my first day at work.. but, I understand them, maybe just a little better.. they became just a tad bit more real.. and dear Lord, i gotta say again.. this life that I live.. is Yours.. no other's.. it's Yours..

I trust You..

Though your beginning was small, your latter will be very great..
Job 8:7

I need You..